Highlights From Our Footnotes Event with Belle Burden
The best-selling author on finally becoming a writer, how she deals with anger—and what was actually in that sandwich.
We recently hosted Belle Burden, the author of Strangers, at our Footnotes event in late April, where no less than 350 of you showed up, and more tuned in for the live-stream. We’re still buzzing from the night. For those of you who missed it, here’s a roundup of the highlights from our talk.
Belle on discovering herself as a writer at 53:
“It is the most incredible thing to discover a part of yourself — regardless of how the book did and is doing—to discover a part of yourself at 53 years old. I’m about to turn 57. To have that come to life again is the most extraordinary thing, and I would not trade it now. It makes me look forward to the future.”
On why women protect men after betrayal:
“I don’t know, but it is what I observed and inherited in my bones from watching my grandmother and my mother, which is to be a good woman and to be graceful. You really clean up the mess. You really don’t talk about it. You prioritize protecting the man, protecting their reputation, protecting their belief in their importance. And I think that serves men. I think it serves the structure in our society. And I think it is to our detriment as women to not talk about it.”
On staying composed in the book despite her anger:
“I definitely had those phases. It was really important to keep anger out of the book. I feel like anger was very well earned and it’s earned by women in divorce all the time. You saw it happen in the book for me almost overnight, which was to be painted as an angry hysteric. And that’s the way our society works. You’re the abandoned woman. You’re the divorcing woman. You are crazy. She’s too upset. She’s too angry. She’s too crazy. And while I would love to turn that stereotype on its head, I felt like I couldn’t play into it. I had to be really careful so that I wouldn’t be dismissed, so that people could absorb this story and absorb some of the themes without marginalizing me.”
On what she hopes her book gives to people at their lowest:
“I really hope that it gives people—when they’re at their lowest—hope. There may be something different on the other side that I don’t even know what it is, and that might be better than what I’m living.”
On what she wants for her children when it comes to love:
“I would hate for my kids to go into a marriage or a relationship feeling so guarded that they didn’t allow themselves true intimacy. I say at the end of the book: I want them to fall in love completely and to trust—but to always trust themselves, too.”
On the infamous sandwich (which, if you’re curious, was turkey on sourdough, no cheese or mayo):
“The sandwich has been a bit misunderstood. The sandwich has become very black and white. If you're compliant and deferential, you would make the sandwich. If you're not, you wouldn't. But it was actually not about him. It was about my daughter watching me, and wanting to model for her that we would get along."
We’ll post news of our next Footnotes here soon. A few of Belle’s quotes were edited for clarity. Watch our whole conversation with Belle and Thessaly La Force in our recorded livestream video below: